This week was the start of five weeks worth of baby massage classes. I know lots of women go to these with their babies but this was a special one. Babies who used the neonatal unit came to this, there was a set of twins that came at around 35 weeks (I’m sure that’s what their mum said) a 22+5 weeker, Oliver and another mum with a 30 something weeker.
Looking around the room at the difference between all of our babies and how they’re all around the same age but all doing different things was a relief to me but also an eye opener. Even the little 23 weeker had a stronger neck than Oliver. Which gets to me. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t. She’s seven months now, corrected age of three months. I found it amazing that a baby that premature has done so well. She’s clearly a little fighter.
Oliver enjoyed the massage time, we just did legs today and I’ve discovered that he really doesn’t like his feet being touched. He is happy for bum rubs, leg rubs but feet are a bit of a no go. I also noticed that it relaxed most of the babies and seemed to bring him to life. I’ll talk to the nurses about that on Wednesday when I see them – I’m almost certain that it’s the opposite to the desired effect.
I’ll be honest – I enjoyed the time too, chatting to other mums. The big thing it did was open my eyes to what kind of journey we have ahead of us. Seeing other babies, that had such a rough start and how well they’ve been progressing. It’s the first time I’ve looked at other babies then at mine and realised that he is slightly behind. His head lifting is delayed – we knew that would happen but I’ve been watching him turn into this bouncy baby that’s all chirpy and smiling and thought about how well he’s getting along and it’s pulled me back a little.
I don’t think anyone can prepare you for that moment. I don’t think that I’ve been in denial about him being a bit slower than other babies, to hit first milestones, since I first had him I’ve not spent time around other babies the same age as him and this week I have.
I know that every baby does everything at their own speed. Olivers speed is different to others. I think the fact I’ve been told physio have a huge waiting list until September and we’re down the list so still have to wait longer, Oliver deciding that he’s not wanting to take his bottles, coupled with finding out other parents with children who have pws have been to their endo appointments and are waiting for their next appointments to see if their little ones are ready for their growth hormone hasn’t helped. I’m happy for them – there’s absolutely no doubt about that. It is bittersweet though – a hint of jealousy from me that we aren’t moving along that quickly as well, is hard to push away.
This week hasn’t all been a pity party for one. I’ve had a great week spending quality time with him now we don’t have quite as many appointments and he’s definitely moving in the right direction. He’s gaining weight and his movement is getting so much better. He’s even managed to pull his tube out – that being as much of a stress as a ‘happy he’s moving’ triumph. Seeing his little face with no tube was also hard because as much as I know he needs it I desperately don’t want him to have it in
I think that maybe pws has got the better of us this week or if not him definitely me but I’ve a feeling most mums have bad weeks where they worry about everything and how things happening (or in our case not happening) will affect the future.
I’m looking forward to a fresh week next week and hopefully feeling a bit more positive. I’m also looking forward to getting back to baby massage and seeing what else makes him tic!